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One subject comes up over and over in discussion, normal conversation, interviews, classes, the workplace... Pretty much anywhere you go around here, one subject comes up more often than others:
Dating.
Who are you dating?
How long have you been together?
How'd you two meet?
Do you see it going somewhere soon? *wink wink*
And it's understandable in some ways to talk about it so often. My religion is very family-oriented, and since the tradition of arranged weddings isn't a part of our culture, it only makes sense that a marriage (and subsequent family) will come after dating someone for a period of time.
It's getting to that point that's so dang stressful.
I'll admit, I probably think about this subject a lot more than other guys my age, Mormon or not. I've been thinking a lot about it for years. Being a 20-something-year-old student in Provo has only enhanced how often I think about it. This is pretty much the Mormon capital of the world, so families are abound – both young and old, large and small, newly formed or well-established. They show up everywhere. It feels like couples form around me all the time, often between my own friends and I end up being the last one to find out. (Note to my friends: please don't stress over this. Regardless of when I find out, I'm happy for you.)
I've been in relationships before, and while they were going on they were great. However... I'm not in one now. And I'm kinda not understanding why. No, I'm not bragging or boasting, saying that I'm the kind of guy who has to be in a relationship. But... It just seemed so easy before. And I miss it. I don't know if I'm missing something from the last time I was in a relationship, some trick, some key ingredient; is it possibly me, that I'm such a different person than a couple years ago? Am I doing anything radically different? Are the girls I'm meeting and interacting with so different than those from when I got home from my mission (now just over two years ago)? Or, if they're not that different, are they just not interested?
Questions like these come up all the time in my mind. Waaaay too often. After having one weird dating experience after another, I feel pretty justified in asking them. For instance, I went on a date with someone I had met online. From what I perceived, things were going great leading up to the date (chatting online, texting and calling, honestly showing interest in each other), and while it was going on the evening seemed to play out smoothly. I wasn't expecting a TON out of it, as it was only a first date, but what I certainly wasn't expecting was for her "sister" to call and say she needed help at home, causing her to leave partway through the date and then never contact me again. That girl's profile isn't on the site we used anymore, and she never responded when I contacted her by phone, so I have no idea if it was something that I did wrong on the date or if she just got scared of something. Who knows.
Another girl that I was pursuing – for MONTHS – I went out with numerous times. We got to be great friends, had a lot of similar interests, met the family and became friends with them as well. We even had our inside jokes. We connected on a level that I hadn't really felt with anyone previously. But with her, I ended up being nothing more than just a friend. Even after sacrificing a lot just to spend time with her, she let me know that she didn't reciprocate the same feelings for me that I had for her. That friendship is valued, but simultaneously it feels like I wasted a lot of my time with her. Especially when I was asked to help pick out birthday presents for the guy she was dating at the time. THAT was fun...
Most recently, I found out that one girl I took out a couple times (who started dating someone a day or two after she broke up with someone else, and now she's started one of those couples blogs [and they're not even gonna be married for another couple months!], so that's an issue entirely separate from this one) thought that I was taking her out on "pity dates." Those are her words, not mine. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT EVEN MEANS. Why would I go on a date with someone because I pitied them?! If I ask someone out, it's because I am genuinely interested. There may be times where I sympathize with them, try to get to know them better and connect with them emotionally, but I wouldn't do it purely out of pity. What would there even BE for me to pity, if it's a first or second date? I'm still trying to get to know her in the first place!
The idea of simply telling someone you like them has never seemed to work for me either. Around here, it's always got to be some kind of "cloak and dagger" kind of thing – a roundabout, creative, clever way. It's pretty ridiculous at times, and even we know it and acknowledge it. Sure, it can be fun at times, but when you're one of the few trying to stick to the basics and everyone else around you is expecting something completely different, you feel just... lost. Confused. Frustrated, because everything you thought would work just fails, over and over and over and over again. Sometimes it shows signs of pointing to something good, but then it ends up crashing into the ground. Breaking into thousands of tiny pieces. Gah.
There are times that I feel a lot like Nacho in this clip; he's saying that he's happy and satisfied with life, but in reality he's wishing for much, much more:
I'm not calling Nacho Libre a cinematic masterpiece by any means. But one of the reasons I love movies so much is because there's almost always something in them with which I can connect. Jack Black's performance in this scene... You can see, if you watch his facial expressions closely, his concealed pain. The kids and Sister Encarnación don't really pick up on it because he's talking about how much he loves to serve them, but paying more attention to how he says it all reveals much more about what he's feeling.
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*sigh* This post literally took me days to write. Started it on Saturday, finished it on Wednesday and I'll most likely write sequel posts to it in the future based on how my dating life goes or if I decide to write about specific aspects of dating (like friendzoning or flat-out rejections). I debated whether or not I should even post this one because it can come across that I'm complaining too much. (In my defense, no one forced you to read this far. Or at all. If you clicked on the link, then you must have been interested in something I had to say.) Yeah, in some ways I'm complaining – I said at the very beginning that this would be a rant – but it's not like my social life is horrible by any means. For example, Sunday night I was "heart attacked." See the picture below for an explanation.
The picture is blurry, and I apologize for that, but on each of the hearts there were personal notes written about me – some meant to be funny, all uplifting, and written by close girl friends (not girlfriends; note the space there) of mine. And twice within the last month, I've had homemade cookies delivered to me. (No picture for those, I ended up eating them too quickly.) I treasure gestures like this, and keep the little mementos because they honestly mean a lot to me.
Like I said, my social life isn't a complete bust. But there are just times where I feel like... I'm not progressing. It's good, but I wish – I have wished for some time – that I could have more.
To end on a happier note, here are a couple of GIFs from my constantly growing collection:
Have a good day, everybody.
New movies since the last post: The Informant!, Warm Bodies
The idea of simply telling someone you like them has never seemed to work for me either. Around here, it's always got to be some kind of "cloak and dagger" kind of thing – a roundabout, creative, clever way. It's pretty ridiculous at times, and even we know it and acknowledge it. Sure, it can be fun at times, but when you're one of the few trying to stick to the basics and everyone else around you is expecting something completely different, you feel just... lost. Confused. Frustrated, because everything you thought would work just fails, over and over and over and over again. Sometimes it shows signs of pointing to something good, but then it ends up crashing into the ground. Breaking into thousands of tiny pieces. Gah.
There are times that I feel a lot like Nacho in this clip; he's saying that he's happy and satisfied with life, but in reality he's wishing for much, much more:
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*sigh* This post literally took me days to write. Started it on Saturday, finished it on Wednesday and I'll most likely write sequel posts to it in the future based on how my dating life goes or if I decide to write about specific aspects of dating (like friendzoning or flat-out rejections). I debated whether or not I should even post this one because it can come across that I'm complaining too much. (In my defense, no one forced you to read this far. Or at all. If you clicked on the link, then you must have been interested in something I had to say.) Yeah, in some ways I'm complaining – I said at the very beginning that this would be a rant – but it's not like my social life is horrible by any means. For example, Sunday night I was "heart attacked." See the picture below for an explanation.
Like I said, my social life isn't a complete bust. But there are just times where I feel like... I'm not progressing. It's good, but I wish – I have wished for some time – that I could have more.
To end on a happier note, here are a couple of GIFs from my constantly growing collection:
New movies since the last post: The Informant!, Warm Bodies
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