The Plight of the Provo Bachelor: The Friendzone

Imagine if you will: another dimension beyond that which is fully understood by man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between friend and boyfriend, between acquaintance and confidante, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. But this is no dimension of imagination; this is a new dimension of reality. It is an area which we call... the Friendzone.

This is a term that has arisen and become quite popular over the last few years in dating society. It's hardly ever used with a positive connotation (if EVER used with a positive connotation), and even though it might not be an official word, it's become used enough that it's listed in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Friendzone.
I write it as one word, some people write it out as two, but either way I believe the meaning is conveyed. According to the linked definition, it was used as early as 1994 in an episode of "Friends." Here's the clip:

Now, for Ross and Rachel, they ended up putting this "friendzone" nonsense behind them and getting together once and for all (after 10 seasons or something like that – I was never an avid fan of the show, but I'm familiar enough with it to know the characters and get references from it).

Numerous people have tried explaining exactly what the friendzone is and how to get out of it. Because, for some reason, it seems to be a lot more common of a problem now than it was years ago. Rhett and Link, some Youtube personalities, made a parodic advice video for single guys about this very subject:

Their advice is comedic and semi-enlightening in the beginning as to what the friendzone is, and this one from another internet personality named Vsauce has garnered a lot of attention since its original posting in January. His video is not so comedic as it is informative, explaining the science behind the friendzone. What I'm going to write about is the perspective of what it's actually like from someone in the friendzone. Because Rhett and Link are both married, and this Vsauce (who I'll admit I don't know much about) seems to not explain at all what the guy actually goes through when he's friendzoned either because he wanted to appear objective or he's never been there himself.
Now, I'm not saying up front that girls are the only ones to friendzone, nor do all of them do so. Guys can do it as well. But, like most things I rant about, this is all from my perspective: things I see and experience. What I've seen, experienced, and heard from other guys is that it happens a lot more one way than another.

First off: it flat-out isn't an enjoyable place to be. The girl you like treats you rather indifferently even though you're wanting to pursue more than just a friendship. She may complain to you about how frustrating it is to try and date other guys, with none of them working out. She can even talk about dates she's gone on as if you're not even there. (Really, she knows you're there, but disregards the feelings you have for her.)

Now, this isn't to say she ignores you. Apparently the friendzoners still want to keep you around, despite not wanting a level of commitment. I've gone on what I thought were dates before, with multiple girls, only to find out that the girl I was with at the time had no romantic feelings for me and just liked spending time with me, "valuing the friendship we had." It's a common line for them to use. And it's essentially a death sentence.

It's a game they play, and I really hate being on the losing side time and time again. I feel like I try to make it fairly obvious that I like them, without explicitly stating "I like you and want to pursue a relationship with you." I spend a lot of my free time with them, I go out of my way to help them with the favors they need, I remember their birthdays or special occasions... All for naught. Probably the worst example of this was when I drove one girl around from store to store, spending most of the day together – all so she could buy birthday presents for the guy she actually WAS dating. (Not me, if that wasn't clear.) Yeah. Pathetic on my part.

Don't get me wrong, though. I do enjoy spending time with girls. Often there are things I can relate with them better than I can with other guys. And I'm certain that that's the way it's supposed to be; a man and a woman are different so that they can eventually complete each other. Guys and girls think in completely different ways, and I've been trying to speak this other language for years. At times I'm able to understand it, comprehend their signals and subtle hints. But most of the time it's just plain illogical.
Sometimes I do have to come out and say that I like them. The most recent time that I did so wasn't under the most pleasant of circumstances to begin with, but in any case I ended up telling her. Almost immediately, she got on the defensive about it, saying that she didn't mean to lead me on, didn't want to come off like that, didn't want to give the impression that she liked me. (From my perspective, she did give that impression. Many times we had gone out one-on-one, including a time that she invited me over to make milkshakes, once when we got pizza together, going out to a nickelcade, a couple bike rides, getting snow cones... She didn't have to keep saying yes to the times I asked her out or keep inviting me [and just me] to do things with her, especially if she wasn't interested.) Oh, and of course there was the line that she "still thought we were best friends."
Seriously: if I'm one of her "best friends," and loves spending time with me, then why wouldn't she want to pursue a relationship?!
I mean, you're supposed to marry your best friend, right? That's what I want, at least! That's how I've understood it, from what I've seen of my friends who have gotten married! And I know she hates the "dating game" as much as I do, but it's just mind-blowing to see the disconnect here. This same process has happened more than once: I like a girl; she likes [at least] spending time with me; we both don't want to keep dating around; yet she doesn't want to get into a relationship! I feel like I'm missing something here.
Because of the friendzone, guys get ousted. They get left alone. They're basically ignored. Even though they want that chance to provide exactly what she's looking for, he's just the friend. Just the guy that listens. Just the guy that gets used for favors.

Am I complaining? Yeah. Am I justified in doing so? I think so. This "friendzone" nonsense drives guys like me crazy. I'm not saying that I want to get married right away, and I'm not trying to single anyone out with this. I'm saying that friendzoning happens way too often in our society, even without some people realizing it. I'm saying I know what I want – which is eventually marriage – and to get there I need to date. Not just "hang out," not just "be friends," but date. I know it's not meant to be complicated; I've dated girls in the past, so obviously I've had success before, but nowadays it's ridiculous.



New movies! X-Men: First Class. Now I own all of the X-Men movies that have been released so far, with the exception of The Wolverine (which I think still needs to come out on DVD). It's a series I've enjoyed a lot so far, and I'm really looking forward to Days of Future Past next year. I also got Fight Club (haven't seen it yet, will soon) and In Time (seen it a couple times).

I've used this one on here before, but it actually kinda fits here as well, strictly in the context of this post.