What I Know

For those of you who may be unfamiliar with what Mormons do on Sundays, we usually go to church for a three hours, with different things happening every hour. One of those hours is one we call sacrament meeting, where we reenact the sacrament that Jesus implemented toward the end of His mortal ministry, and then we hear from a couple speakers chosen from the congregation (chosen with a couple weeks' notice) to speak about different aspects of our beliefs. However, on the first Sunday of the month, we have something called a testimony meeting where anyone who feels prompted to can go up to the stand and bear their testimony. And sometimes, like today, we actually have it at the end of the month, because next month's first Sunday will be when General Conference happens – and I'll write about General Conference later on in this post.

I'm usually one to sit back and let others have the opportunity to bear their testimony, especially when sometimes there are just so many people doing so that they go over the allotted time. (And that's fine, there's really no harm done when that happens.) But I don't want it ever though that I don't have a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, or of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Because I do.

I know that this is, in fact, the true Church of Jesus Christ. It was restored through a man named Joseph Smith and officially organized on April 6, 1830. As proof of this, we have something called The Book of Mormon, so named after the man who compiled all of the writings in it a few hundred years after Christ's ministry. It serves as a testimony of the divinity of Christ, as well as a history of people who lived here in the Americas over the course of about a thousand years. It isn't to replace the Bible in any way; it actually also testifies of the Bible and works to confirm the teachings found within. It contains an invitation for all to read it and ask Heavenly Father, what we ofter refer to God as, if the book is indeed true, and for those asking with real intent, He will make it known to them that it is.

I know that God lives, and that He loves me. When I was 15, I went to a youth program run by the church called Especially For Youth (which I'm sure I've talked about a couple times on here). Being a church camp, one of the main objectives is to help strengthen our faith and beliefs in the gospel, and the session director there challenged all of us to say a specific prayer that night before we went to bed. The prayer was to ask God, directly, if He loved us. We could use our own words to ask the question, but the objective was to have a sure knowledge that He does indeed love us. So I figured there wouldn't be any harm done. Even having grown up as a Mormon all my life and being used to saying prayers, this time was incredibly different. As I asked God if He loved me, I felt an immediate response: "Marshall, of course I love you." It was as if I heard the words spoken by someone in the room – it wasn't just a thought in my head. I knew that He answered me, proving to me that He is real.

I know that Jesus Christ lives, and His sacrifice through the Atonement brings me more peace and comfort than anything else in this world ever has. He went through everything that I've ever had to deal with and much more, suffered through it all so that I don't have to bear my burdens alone. His teachings can help anyone to live a fuller, happier life. For two years straight I had the privilege of teaching others more about Him and His love for each of us, and would happily do so again. I've seen His gospel change people's lives for the better. I know that it's good and true.

And besides me knowing that it's true, for me it just all makes sense. Here's an example:

#nofilter

This was a picture I took one week when I was working as a counselor for EFY last summer. There were a few minutes when it was raining but the sun was shining quite clearly, and the size of the drops of rain made it look like diamonds were falling all around us. I snapped this shortly after the rain stopped, just in awe of how beautiful the sky looked. I certainly don't believe that we could have moments of beauty like that just by chance. Any multicolored sunset, to me, is a moment for God to just have some fun and paint the sky for a while. The fact that there are over 7 billion people living on this earth in harmony with nature, and that we've advanced so much even in the last few hundred years – that's not just a coincidence. We create, we innovate, we design, we serve, we communicate, we act outside of instinct, we do as we want to. We can even take a look at other planets and see that there really aren't many other places that this could have happened, if at all, so why would this one be so perfect for us if there wasn't at least some kind of being watching over all and guiding its creation? And as far as religion goes, there's plenty of evidence showing that the church that Jesus organized lost its apostles, the heads of the church, without passing along the authority to keep it going. So there needed to be a restoration at some point, which is what Joseph Smith was chosen to do. Receiving a vision of God and Jesus Christ, and after that visits from many other messengers sent to him, he was told to find a set of gold plates containing what is now known as The Book of Mormon. He translated them and, like I said above, found that it testifies of the Bible.

There's a talk (what we usually call sermons) given by one of the apostles we have today, called Safety for the Soul. It was given by Jeffrey R. Holland, and you can read or watch the whole talk here. This is just part of it from the end, talking about the Book of Mormon:

I ask that my testimony of the Book of Mormon and all that it implies, given today under my own oath and office, be recorded by men on earth and angels in heaven. I hope I have a few years left in my “last days,” but whether I do or do not, I want it absolutely clear when I stand before the judgment bar of God that I declared to the world, in the most straightforward language I could summon, that the Book of Mormon is true, that it came forth the way Joseph said it came forth and was given to bring happiness and hope to the faithful in the travail of the latter days. My witness echoes that of Nephi, who wrote part of the book in his “last days”:

“Hearken unto these words and believe in Christ; and if ye believe not in these words believe in Christ. And if ye shall believe in Christ ye will believe in these words, for they are the words of Christ, … and they teach all men that they should do good. And if they are not the words of Christ, judge ye—for Christ will show unto you, with power and great glory, that they are his words, at the last day.”

Brothers and sisters, God always provides safety for the soul, and with the Book of Mormon, He has again done that in our time. Remember this declaration by Jesus Himself: “Whoso treasureth up my word, shall not be deceived” —and in the last days neither your heart nor your faith will fail you.

He'll be one of the speakers this week at the General Conference I mentioned at the beginning of this post, along with many other men and women who will only share messages to uplift and help others come closer to Christ. It's free to watch, and will be available by going to conference.lds.org, or you can find it on certain television and radio stations across the country. There's another apostle named M. Russell Ballard, who wrote a short book called Our Search For Happiness. It's a great read, and directed mostly at those who are unfamiliar with the Mormon church. If you're reading this, and you're interested in a copy of that book, or a copy of The Book of Mormon, I would be more than happy to send it/them to you myself. The conference will happen over the course of Saturday and Sunday, and if you miss a broadcast don't fret – they're usually put online shortly after each session.

There are a lot of things I don't know in this life. There are many things I'd like to know. What I do know is this: the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has helped me to be a much happier person than I could ever be without it. I know that it's true. And I love that I know.

March Madness... sure!

Short post tonight, because to be perfectly honest I know very little when it comes to the world of sports. But, since it is March, and I'm actually participating a bit, I thought I'd just make a quick note on the apparent "March Madness" going on. Seriously, outside of knowing the basic rules for each game, this is how I feel understanding most sports:

My family's doing a little bracket competition this year, and since the main team I root for (BYU) didn't make it into the top 64, I'm not going to be too torn up as to who actually wins the final, whenever that happens. Here's a link to the bracket I'm currently using (for whoever is curious), and somehow it's doing pretty well, though I admit that I pretty much just followed the numbers and picked who was the higher rank for most of the match ups.

I also just want to take a second and voice how bizarre I think it is how we as a nation (and many other countries, for that matter) put so much attention on some of these sports. We have the biggest game of football of the year called the Super Bowl and is easily the most televised event of the year, with some companies paying millions just to air for less than a minute. This entire month is devoted to college basketball, and even if you're not a huge fan there's a good chance you hear about who's beating who, whose brackets are still doing well, upsets, etc. Baseball has the "World Series", despite only including American teams in the competition. (Although the title may come from being named after a newspaper, as its Wikipedia article states.) There are these big, gigantic productions for these and many other sports that, a month or two after they're over, we barely even remember because of how focused we are on the next one.

Is it bad that we pay so much attention to these sports and devote so much time to each one, to the randoms, to the players, supporting them wherever they go and however they do and in some cases even idolizing them? Not completely, no. Sports are great, healthy, friendly competition is good for the soul, for those playing it they get the feeling of accomplishment for going so far and feel even more accomplished if they win. And it's a form of entertainment. (A lot cleaner than many forms of entertainment out there these days, too.) But it really doesn't just stay that friendly and clean; we hear all the time about players who end up taking steroids or other drugs to cheat, we see the bad calls that all the referees make, we create rivalries that end up making some people despise others simply because of who they support. It's not everyone, obviously, but it's enough to notice that it's a problem.

I dunno, this is just a bit of a rant tonight. Again, I'm not too torn up about who's actually going to win because that's not where my priorities lie. Doesn't mean I want to bring down anyone else's fun, so if you're still focused on having your bracket make it to the top then I wish you the best of luck. (Because sometimes that's really what it ends up being for us – as we've seen with all the upsets this first week, numbers don't always mean everything.) Enjoy the madness!

Get it? Because he's the "Mad" Hatter?       ...anyone?

What career should you REALLY have?

Yesterday, after a good conversation with my dad, I went online to try to take some career aptitude tests. I think I may have taken one when I was younger, in either late middle school or early high school, but even if I did I don't remember what the results were or even if I'd still have them. So Google was my guide to try to find a good test or two.

Just the idea of taking one reminded me of an old episode of Hey Arnold! when all the kids take a career test. The story followed Helga and Harold who were convinced that the results they got (international businessman and woodsperson, respectively) were the results they had to follow throughout their life from that point forward. For Helga, it was a bit heartbreaking (obviously with a test telling you that you would only amount to be a good woodsperson, it can be devastating to a 4th grader). Harold, on the other hand, ended up making a total change from what he'd been known for in most episodes of the show; instead of being a bit of an idiot and bully, he actually started learning and wanting to be that genius that the test told him he could be.

The episode resolved when it was revealed that their test results were accidentally switched, and the joke for Harold's real results was that he answered every question as "take a hike in the woods". But Mr. Simmons reassured him that despite what a test like that could say, Harold could do anything he actually wanted to do because he was applying himself and wanting to reach a goal he'd never thought of before.

Here's the test that I took, literally one of the first things that came up after searching for "career aptitude test". There were some others I found and took, but they required a payment to actually receive all the results.

http://www.yourfreecareertest.com

And here are the results I got for it:

INTEREST LEVEL: 75%

Career Category: Visual And Performing Arts Careers

Recommended Student Classes:

Writing, public speaking, and art courses are important. Start creating a portfolio or your performances and work.

Example Careers:

Art Therapist, Art Director, Art, Drama, or Music Teacher, Fine Artists (various), Digital Artist (various), Museum Technician and Conservationist, Commercial and Industrial Designer, Model/Actor, Makeup Artist or Cosmetologist (hair stylist), Stage Design and Manager, Broadcast/Audio Engineer, Fashion Designer, Interior Designer, Musician/Music Producer, Video Game Designer.

INTEREST LEVEL: 58%

Career Category: Education And Training Careers

Recommended Student Classes:

Take courses in the particular subject you would like to teach. Public speaking and writing courses will be useful. Also, emerging technology is valued in education, so take some computer courses.

Example Careers:

Elementary, middle, high school, and college teachers, Vocational Education Teachers, Administration (Principal/Superintendent), Guidance Counselor/Academic Advisor, Librarian, Tutor/Teacher's Aid, Literacy Development, Staff Development, Curriculum Developer, Instructional Designer.

INTEREST LEVEL: 50%

Career Category: Business, Management, And Administration Careers

Recommended Student Classes:

Communication courses that develop your writing and public speaking skills are beneficial. Math and accounting classes will also be necessary. Take any business, law, or computer courses, your school may offer.

Example Careers:

Market Research Analyst, Accountant, Marketing / Advertising, Logistics (Inventory and Process), Administrative Assistant, Entrepreneur (Business Owners), Financial Analyst, Human Resources, Sales Agent, Management / Supervisors (various), Corporate Executive, Project Manager, Insurance Agent, Real Estate, Travel Agent.

INTEREST LEVEL: 42%

Career Category: Culinary Careers

Recommended Student Classes:

You want to be proficient in math and have a basic understanding of business.

Example Careers:

Restaurant Owner / Manager, Caterer, Pastry Chef (Baker), Sommelier (Wine Expert), Personal or Restaurant Chef, Nutritionist, Restaurant Supervisors / Managers (various).

INTEREST LEVEL: 42%

Career Category: Wellness And Athletics Careers

Recommended Student Classes:

Courses related to nutrition, health education, physical education, human biology, and psychology are helpful.

Example Careers:

Coach and Talent Scout, Athletic Trainer, Athlete, Fitness and Wellness Trainer, Umpire, Referee, and Other Sports Official, Recreation and Fitness Teacher, Sports Medicine Physician, Nutritionist or Dietitian, Physical Therapist, Massage Therapist, Recreational Worker.

INTEREST LEVEL: 33%

Career Category: Technology Careers

Recommended Student Classes:

Take as much math as possible and any computer programming or computer science courses available. Chemistry and physics will help as well. Writing and public speaking are also highly valued.

Example Careers:

Software Developer, Information Technology Project Manager, Network and Security, Computer Programmer (various), Digital Media (various), Engineer (various), Informatics (science of information), Computer Forensics, Cryptanalyst, Robotics, Biofuels / Biodiesel Technology, Instructional Designer.

INTEREST LEVEL: 33%

Career Category: Language And Communications Careers

Recommended Student Classes:

Writing, public speaking, computer classes, and courses in the humanities are valued. Psychology and sociology will be beneficial.

Example Careers:

English, Foreign Language, and Literature Teacher, Author, Technical Writer and Editor, Interpreter/Translator, Journalist/Reporter, Public Relations, Marketing and Advertising, Social Media Expert, Research Specialist.

INTEREST LEVEL: 17%

Career Category: Social Sciences Careers

Recommended Student Classes:

Psychology, sociology, and human relations are beneficial courses to take for a career in the social sciences.

Example Careers:

Social Science Teacher (various), Social Science Research Assistant, Social Worker (various), Psychologist or Counselor (various), Social and Community Service Managers, Sociologist, International Relations, Political Scientist, Politician, Advocate/Lobbyist.

INTEREST LEVEL: 17%

Career Category: Math And Engineering Careers

Recommended Student Classes:

Rigorous math, science, and computer courses are the most valued.

Example Careers:

Actuary, Engineer (various), Computer Programmer, Math Teacher (various), Mathematician, Finance, Economist, Statisticians, Physicists, Architect, Accountant, Financial Analyst.

INTEREST LEVEL: 17%

Career Category: Health Science Careers

Recommended Student Classes:

Human anatomy, biology, chemistry, and physics courses are highly beneficial. Many health programs require writing samples and placement tests. English, math, and writing courses will help significantly when trying to obtain admission into health related programs.

Example Careers:

Sonographer (Ultrasound), Nurse, Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA), Licensed Practical Nurse (LPN), Registered Nurse (RN), Radiographer (X-Ray Technician), Surgical Technologist or Surgical First Assistant, Dental Assistant/Dental Hygienist, Physical Therapist/Assistant, Occupational Therapist/Assistant, Speech Therapist/Assistant, Physician (Doctor)/Surgeon (various), Emergency Medical Technician (EMT) or Paramedic, Medical Assistant (various), Medical Office/Record Assistant (transcriptionist), Clinical Laboratory Technologist, Medical and Health Service Manager (various), Veterinarian or Veterinarian Assistant.

INTEREST LEVEL: 0%

Career Category: Natural Sciences Careers

Recommended Student Classes:

Rigorous science courses are the most valued.

Example Careers:

Zoologist, Biologist (various), Environmental Scientist, Anthropologist, Conservationist (various), Anthropologist, Archaeologist, Chemist, Agriculturalist, Science Teacher (various), Research Scientist, Astronomer, Geologist, Horticulturalist. Also review the Health Science Careers.

INTEREST LEVEL: 0%

Career Category: Law, Public Safety, Corrections, And Security Careers

Recommended Student Classes:

Knowing a commonly used second langauge, public speaking, and writing skills are useful.

Example Careers:

Paralegal, Forensics (Crime Scene Investigation), Law Enforcement, Correctional Officers, Firefighters, Lawyer, Judge, Security Guard, Wildlife Officer.

SUB INTERESTS

INTEREST LEVEL: 100%

Sub Interest: Computers

Example Careers:

Network and Security, Computer Programmer (various), Digital Media (various), Computer Forensics, Cryptanalyst, Robotics, Computer Support Specialist, Computer Hardware Engineer, Game Design and Development.

INTEREST LEVEL: 67%

Sub Interest: Helping People

Example Careers:

Social Worker (various), Therapist (various), Various Medical Positions, Rehabilitation Counselor, Teacher, Spiritual Leader, Firefighter, Law Enforcement.

INTEREST LEVEL: 67%

Sub Interest: Fixing And Building

Example Careers:

Construction (various), Mechanic (various), Structural Iron and Steel Worker, Carpentry or Wood Working, Upholsterer, Electrician, Equipment Install and Repair, Plumber, Production Worker.

INTEREST LEVEL: 33%

Sub Interest: Outdoors And/Or Physical

Example Careers:

Farm, Crop, Nursery, or Greenhouse Worker, Forest and Conservation Worker, Logging Worker, Animal Trainer, Police Officer, Firefighter, Military Personnel, Environmental Scientist, Archeologist, Surveyor, Landscape Architect.

I went through and highlighted the career choices that actually sound interesting to me, if you're curious at all about my thoughts on it. It was a fun little exercise to go through, and like in the episode, while this doesn't necessarily tell me exactly what I should do with my life, it does open up opportunities that I hadn't thought about before.

Weight Loss Progress!

Yesterday I weighed in at 246.2 pounds. That was the first time in a long time (I'm talking a few years here) that I weighed anything under 250, and before that my weight was pretty much on a steady rise.

Holy cow.

Like, really. That's a huge milestone for me. I know I'm still a far way's away from my eventual goal (I put on my bucket list that eventually I want to get down to 180 pounds) but seeing those numbers on the scale yesterday was just... relieving. Especially since the last month or so hasn't been great as far as working out consistently goes. I'm still keeping track, but with two jobs that work me about 50 hours each week, I don't have as much time to dedicate to just working out anymore. (Not if I still want a decent amount of sleep, that is.) For example, this week I'll have Tuesday and Saturday mornings off of one job, and Wednesday evening off for the other. My most recent choice of workout has been to go on a walk that, round-trip, is a little over six miles and meets all of my goals according to FitBit: steps, distance, "flights of stairs" (in quotes because it's really a measure of elevation), calories burned, and active minutes. Every time I've done it so far it's taken me a little over two hours to complete, and that's with just straight walking. I'm not feeling up to running just yet.

But then I think of how people are always saying that you really need to push yourself in order to see progress with weight loss. Heck, take a single episode of The Biggest Loser; the contestants do nothing but work out while they're "on campus" and end up losing 50, 100, 200 or more pounds by the end of each season. The record, at least according to Wikipedia, is 264 pounds, and that was in the course of 19 broadcasted weeks. So, some quick math here... almost 14 pounds every single week that he had to lose. And here I am with one, maybe two pounds a week so far, with a couple times that I'm working out to contribute to that.

Thankfully I kept reading through that article. There's a whole section, fairly close to the top, that talks about how dangerous some of the things the show did really were, and that that much weight loss ends up being more harmful than healthy. And a lot of the contestants have just gained it all back anyway, since the environment they were in for the show wasn't nearly one that they could maintain once they were back home.

For fun, I decided to just look up random quotes about progress, and one of the first ones to come up was from Frederick Douglass: "If there is no struggle, there is no progress." While I do agree with that, there's no mention of how much struggle there should be in order to get going to where you want to be. Take this clip from The Office, as a hypothetical example:

This was from the premiere of season 5, which was centered around a company-wide weight loss contest. By the end of the episode, Kelly faints from the utter lack of nutrition in her diet. Obviously this was all part of the script, but it paints a picture that can be pretty intimidating for those wanting to actually lose weight and get healthy.

This can tie into a gospel teaching, specifically about repentance. (This wasn't how I was originally going to write this post, but I'm in kind of a stream-of-consciousness mode at the moment.) The comparison is that for repenting, while there are some major changes we apply right away like recognizing the sin we're committing and stopping the action, the full conversion to the point we want to get to takes time. We make lots of little changes along the path to righteousness so we can ultimately get to our goal of perfection. The same goes for weight loss, as I understand it: while there are definitely things to do when starting on the road to weight loss (or gain, in some instances, because I realize that it can go both ways) there are practices and habits that can be stopped immediately. But just that one change won't do it; we need to put in place good habits and practices that will help us reach our goal. Even for those extreme cases where weight-loss surgery is required, I'm sure the doctor doesn't just give you a pat on the back and send you on your merry way when it's all said and done. He probably prescribes a diet for you to stick to so you can maintain your new healthy weight and lifestyle.

All in all, I'm feeling pretty good about how I'm doing so far. It's not the most record-breaking progress that the world's ever seen before, but it's progress and it's something I can be proud of.

Not much to say

Not really sure what to write tonight. Life is going okay for now, I'm working about 50 hours a week between PetSmart and Deseret Book and I'm trying to have that just keep me really busy. A big part of the reason I have two jobs right now is simply to pay off a student loan quickly, as I'm not in school anymore and don't want that hanging over my head in the future.

A couple fun things this week: tomorrow night there's a banquet for Deseret Book employees at Tucano's, one of my favorite restaurants (and not just because it's Brazilian food!). They requested a baby picture from everyone, so we'll see what that turns out to be for. And then on Saturday I'll be going to the new Divine Comedy show, with the headliner sketch being a parody of Into The Woods (which I still need to see... Apparently it's a stage musical that takes a bunch of fairy tales and puts them together in one story. [Isn't that kinda what Once Upon a Time is, but sans musical numbers?])

Yeah. Really not sure what to write for tonight. I think I'll just finish this post and publish it, but not share the link to my Facebook like I usually do. And for the sake of having pictures to put up, here are some of the sketches I did from when I took a figure drawing class a few years ago:

The last one is probably the one I'm most proud of. Easily one of the most enjoyable classes I took at BYU.

The Plight of the Provo Bachelor: A Growing Problem

Disclaimer (and now that I think about it, this applies to all of my Plight of the Provo Bachelor posts):
The views expressed in these blog posts represent the opinions of the author. Not necessarily facts, but more observations based on personal experiences. I know some of these topics can raise a bit of a stir every once in a while, so I want to make it clear that these are opinions and beliefs I'm expressing. If you don't agree with my opinions, then...

There is an issue that I've been noticing more and more lately. And I'm not exactly sure when it started, but I feel like I know some of the major contributing factors to it and why it's sticking around. I think addressing it is one of the main things to do in order to stop it from growing any bigger.

Guys just aren't asking girls out on dates any more.

Okay, yes, it obviously still happens, but not nearly to the extent that it used to happen, nor in the same way. And while guys may deny it all day long, it's evident to me that it's not the case. It's not just guys who are to blame; there are definitely problems from both sides of the equation. I have a couple theories as to why this problem might be.

Theory #1: Guys don't know how to properly ask someone out.

While on this blog I've praised the age of technology that we live in, it's also important to understand how negative the consequences of technology can be as well. And in this sense I don't just mean viewing things like pornography on their smartphones, as that's an obvious issue. I mean that people can just become addicted to the phone itself. I can't tell you how many times over the summer when working as an EFY counselor that I had to tell kids to put away their phones while in class, or at a morningside, or to leave them behind for games night, whatever the cause may be. Having the phone is one thing; checking it every few minutes so you can see someone's latest Snapchat or Instagram post is another entirely. (Mini rant from Louis C.K. about phones here; fair warning, there's some language.)

Communication goes hand in hand with this, and this is the point I'm trying to make with this theory. Texting, and online messaging for that matter, has become a wildly popular way to talk to one another, and for good reason. It's convenient, it's discreet, usually it's not as nearly distracting as actually talking on the phone. But it's impersonal. Unless you really know the person you're talking with, you can rarely, if ever, get someone's full meaning when they write something because the tone just isn't there. When we talk, we have speech patterns that we don't even realize most of the time that we use. But they're there, and often times critical to drive a point home to someone else. If you ever watch a public debate, pay attention to not just what they're saying, but how they're saying it. Inflections, pauses, volume, and even body language – it's all there, and a lot of times one can sway an argument based on all that unspoken communication.
However, as texting has become a dominant way of people to communicate, we've lost a lot of that skill. We neglect the opportunity to have a face-to-face talk or even a phone call with someone because we can just write it down quickly and try to convey our feelings through :) :( ;) and so on. But again, there's a lot more to a conversation and communication in general than just the words that are being said. And with texting, it feels like there's less effort put into a conversation. If I was a girl, I'd almost be offended if a guy asked me out on a date through a text or Facebook message. It feels like it lacks confidence, it lacks personality, it lacks originality – it just lacks those things that a real conversation can do for you. And on top of that, there's virtually no pressure for the person being asked to actually respond to it, which can leave the asker in the dark as to what it means.

(Just so I don't have to say this for the rest of this post, my personal belief is that while it's more than okay for a girl to ask a guy on a date, the responsibility lies with the guy. So for any example I use where a guy asks a girl out, understand that the roles could be switched and the girl could ask the guy as well.)

Say a guy sends a message to a girl that he's friends with through Facebook, saying "Hey, do you wanna go see a movie this week?" And the girl genuinely isn't interested in dating this guy, even though they're decent friends. She doesn't open it for a while because she's busy with something else, and after maybe a couple hours she actually opens the message and reads it. But seeing the content of the message, she doesn't want to continue the conversation by saying yes, but also doesn't want to hurt his feelings by saying no. So she just doesn't reply to it. Now, on the guy's end, he'll be able to see that she read the message those couple hours later, but also that there's just no response to it. Until he gets a chance to talk to her again, however he decides to do so (if at all), he has no idea what that lack of response means. "Does she not want to go out with me? Is she too busy to respond right now? Is she scared of saying yes? Will I ever get a response?" Questions start to form in his mind and these could all be avoided if he had an actual conversation with her.
So now let's say that instead of sending her a message, he asks her after a class they have together. They were sitting close to each other, and once the class ends he gets up and starts a conversation with her. In the process of this conversation he asks "Hey, do you wanna go see a movie this week?" While this does put her more on the spot, he'll be able to get a definite answer from her instead of waiting for a possible response... or an excuse. This actually leads me to my next theory.

Theory #2: People aren't being honest about their intentions.

I briefly mentioned above that there's the chance of not wanting to hurt the asker's feelings by rejecting them. But that can cause another problem, which is that instead of giving a straightforward yes or no, the person being asked gives an excuse to not go out.
I can understand not wanting to hurt someone's feelings. I really do. I've hurt others before and it's a tortuous process, because sometimes you can instantly see how crushing it is. Sometimes it can drive someone to the point of depression, which I'm sure isn't ever the intent. But for me, having been on the end of receiving those excuses for answers and then never knowing someone's true feelings (eventually I have to just guess at it), I'd rather just have a yes or no. And you know what? If it's a no, it'd hurt a bit, but I would bounce back a lot faster afterwards. I wouldn't think any less of a person for being honest. I'd probably think higher of them, because they might have had to overcome a personal insecurity to even say that out loud. They were straightforward about their feelings, and that's an admirable quality to have.
Another big thing is that the connotation of a "date" these days seems to have a lot more weight than it used to. But really, it just boils down to a simple definition: planned, paid for, and paired off. There's a talk that Elder Dallin H. Oaks gave back in 2005 (so even then, this was a problem!) to a group of young adults at a fireside in Oakland, California. The entire article is a great read, but midway through it gives those "three P's" as a guideline for what a date qualifies as. Here's an excerpt from that talk:
"Unlike hanging out, dating is not a team sport. Dating is pairing off to experience the kind of one-on-one association and temporary commitment that can lead to marriage in some rare and treasured cases... The meaning and significance of a 'date' has also changed in such a way as to price dating out of the market. I saw this trend beginning among our younger children. For whatever reason, high school boys felt they had to do something elaborate or bizarre to ask for a date, especially for an event like a prom, and girls felt they had to do likewise to accept. In addition, a date had to be something of an expensive production... All of this made dating more difficult. And the more elaborate and expensive the date, the fewer the dates. As dates become fewer and more elaborate, this seems to create an expectation that a date implies seriousness or continuing commitment. That expectation discourages dating even more...
"Simple and more frequent dates allow both men and women to 'shop around' in a way that allows extensive evaluation of the prospects. The old-fashioned date was a wonderful way to get acquainted with a member of the opposite sex. It encouraged conversation. It allowed you to see how you treat others and how you are treated in a one-on-one situation. It gave opportunities to learn how to initiate and sustain a mature relationship. None of that happens in hanging out."
A date is not a commitment to marriage, far from it. Like Elder Oaks says, it's an opportunity to get to know someone one-on-one. When hanging out, you can certainly get to know someone, or a lot of people. But that's pretty much the only way you get to know them – in a group setting. And that's not how it's going to be when you get married. Not that I can speak from personal experience, but when you're married my understanding is that you're with one person for eternity. Not you, the person you're most interested in, and all your best buddies. Just you two. So that's what a date is, and should be: a practice setting for getting into that eventual relationship. One date doesn't mean that you're already in a relationship, let alone that you're going to get married the next week or month. (Though I have heard the horror stories of those who have been on first dates and they found that the asker was "madly in love" with them. I know they're out there.)

Here's a penguin to lighten the mood. I know I can get kinda heated when I get into these rants.

Should marriage be an eventual goal? Yes, of course – otherwise, why date at all? But should that mean that you're planning to marry every person you go on a date with? No. In fact, you're probably going to get rejected a decent amount before you find someone who is interested in dating you seriously with the intent of marriage. So don't worry about that part every single dang time you try to go on a date!
Coincidentally, this last point leads me to...

Theory #3: Guys are afraid of rejection.

Like I said, you should almost expect rejection to happen in your life. It's funny, especially for those who went on missions – I'm certain that people saying "no" when you asked them if they wanted to hear a message was almost a daily routine, and as missionaries you just got used to it. Yeah, it's disheartening, but you get used to it and you learn to move on. However, there seems to be this big disconnect once you get home from the mission, and this is probably the biggest reason why: on the mission, the focus isn't about you. It's about those you're trying to help, so you're able to shrug that rejection off as their loss. When you get home, all of a sudden you're trying to do all these things for yourself (school, work, social life, church callings, etc.) and you're thrown into a balancing act. And any time you get something that throws you off-balance – say, a girl turning down your proposal of a date – then your whole life can get out of whack. Now it's your loss. It's a game of spinning plates, and when one crashes down you lose focus and it feels like they all do soon after. I've been there, I know. So what it seems like a lot of guys end up doing is just taking that spinning plate out of the game and then only focusing on the other ones, thereby leaving a void in their life that they may not even notice is there.

Of course, then you've got the girl's side of things to consider as well. If there are plenty of eligible bachelors in a ward, as an example, but they all claim to be too busy with work and school to have an open Friday night (and they very well might be that busy), then that means that the girls aren't getting asked out. And then that can result in some negative feelings, because the responsibility usually lies with the guy to be the asker. Incidentally, this pattern of not getting asked out recently happened to cause some guys to get rejected: Valentine's Day was just a little while ago, and some girls from a ward in Provo decided to have a "Galentine's" get-together, as they were all sure that they had no other plans for that evening. But when a couple of the guys asked some of those girls out for Valentine's Day, they responded saying that they already had plans to get together with the other girls. This sent the message that they just weren't interested in the guys, who then didn't bother to follow up by asking when the girls would like to go on a date because by that point they already had their feelings hurt from the rejection. (Even though the girls may have said yes to another night.)
Also from Elder Oaks' talk: "young women, if you turn down a date, be kind. Otherwise you may crush a nervous and shy questioner and destroy him as a potential dater, and that could hurt some other sister." Destroy is a pretty harsh word, especially coming from an apostle. But there it is.
For a lot of guys, if they're new or inexperienced with the dating game – and I sincerely hate that it's still treated by so many as a game – asking a girl out, even with the understanding that it's just a date, is a big deal. Some wards rely on tricks like a dating suggestion box or tie dates* in order to match people up and sometimes that helps a guy get past his shyness. Those tricks might help some people meet and go out, but it bypasses the traditional way of asking people out, and you risk pairing people up who already know that there's no mutual attraction. Again, I'd much rather just have someone tell me they're not interested instead of hearing an excuse and having to worry about if they really want to go out or not. Especially after going on a first date and feeling like it went super well, then never hearing about it from them again. For someone you're trying to date who you've already got a good friendship with, it really helps to keep that friendship intact if you're honest about things and clear about wanting to go out at all. Referring back to what I said in theory #1, communication is key.
And for that matter, even if you think you aren't interested in someone but you're not dating anyone else, go on at least one dang date if they ask you out! Don't ever think that someone "isn't your type" or is "out of your league" until you actually go on that date. Again, until you get that one-on-one time with them in a date setting, you're going to have a hard time knowing what they're truly like.


I have a couple other theories, but these are the biggest three I've thought of as to why dating and courtship is seen as such a problem these days. My hope is that all this can help out others who find themselves in a funk when it comes to the subject of dating – that it helps them understand the growing situation and why it's problematic. I know we hear a lot about it from our parents and church leaders, almost on a weekly basis. But maybe, coming from someone who's your peer and in the same boat as you, this blog post can give you some reassurance and confidence for the road ahead.


*"Tie date": the last ward I was in used this as an activity multiple times. A guy can submit a number of neckties, up to three, to a couple people in the ward who are in charge of the activity. Attached to the tie is a note giving a day, time, and activity for the date, but the guy's name is left off of the note. After all the submissions are received, the girls in the ward come by and choose a tie based on their availability and interest in the date's activity. Once they've chosen a tie (or ties), the couple in charge let's them know whose tie they chose and then the girl can meet up with the guy some time before the planned date to confirm plans and whatnot. We switched it once for guys and girls too, with girls submitting shoes instead of ties. The point of it is to be anonymous and help match people up with others who they might not normally go out with and to help those who have a fear of asking someone out normally to do so successfully.

Mid-February update

Ehh... I'm not entirely sure what I even want to write today. I'll write this in the same way that some people live-tweet movies or shows, and denote when I'm doing so by right-aligning.

Right now we just finished some singing as a family – Chris, Amanda, and Lindsay were all over, so we had a Family Home Evening of sorts after dinner. We also played "Panic on Wall Street!", a game that's kinda like a stock market simulation set during the early 1900's (though there really isn't much history associated with it – it's a strategy game for sure). For now I'm just sitting in the living room getting to work on this post.

It's been a good couple of weeks in February so far, as I've been scheduled at my jobs more and getting used to working 40+ hours a week. (That's between the two jobs I have, Deseret Book and PetSmart.) I think the only other times in my life when I've worked this much was when I was an EFY counselor (which was technically around-the-clock every day last summer) and as a missionary (for two years straight). I'm not sure I'd qualify either of those as the same kind of work, though; they're both focused more on helping individuals in a Gospel sense with teachings rather than working to sell or make a product for a customer.

Mom and Dad are in the living room now, and they've started up Downton Abbey. I'm not super interested in it myself. I can get into some British programming, like Sherlock or a few interpretations of Pride and Prejudice. But just from what I'm seeing now, it feels like a mild soap opera with Maggie Smith (Professor McGonagall from the Harry Potter movies) as one of the main characters. What is making it entertaining for me is that the subtitles they put on are messing up brilliantly, missing letters, combining words and making ones that just aren't there at all. I had a full-on laughing fit for a few minutes because of it.

I'm also trying to get used to making a weekly schedule. For EFY and the mission, one of the things that we relied on constantly (and this was because it made it loads easier) was having a normal schedule we could look at, refer to, answer questions with, and the like. As an example, here's my basic schedule for this week:

Obviously there's still a lot of blank space in there, and I'm still filling it out, but it'll be nice to use this as a base for making the rest of my plans. (And it syncs up with my phone, which is super nice – again, gotta love the age of technology we live in!) Red on here is work at Deseret Book, blue is work at PetSmart, and green is church-related stuff, which I can just set to repeat every week since I know that'll always be the same. Other things I'll put in are times to exercise, read/study scriptures, and, should the opportunity arise, go on dates.

Speaking of dates... Valentine's Day came and went for me, and was rather uneventful. I actually ended up working for the majority of the day at PetSmart up until closing, so I didn't really have much of a chance to go on a date anyway. And I'm okay with that. Dating, while it's always fun, isn't my main priority for now. If I'm able to just work a ton over the next few months, I should be able to move back into an apartment and get back on my own feet.

Moved back up to my room now. The subtitles are entertaining, for sure, but the novelty of it has already worn off. And I still have no idea what's going on in the show.

More about dating – I definitely still want to date, and there are certainly girls who I'm interested in, but that's just not my priority. As much as I wish it was, it has to be in balance with everything else. Otherwise I'm just going to keep digging myself into a hole that it'll be near impossible to get out of.

In my downtime I still usually just watch stuff on YouTube, but something that became insanely popular online last year made a return a few days ago, and it's caught my attention yet again.. There's a video game streaming site called Twitch, and on it people can watch others play games live and comment through text on the game, talk to the player, etc. Last year, someone managed to come up with a code that could read specific comments (ones typed as just inputs for the controller) and make those comments control the game. And this someone decided to use Pokémon Red for the Game Boy as his game of choice. Long story short, this guy managed to get over a million people controlling the same game at the same time online. It spawned a massive following, as the fan art shown here evidences. They managed to beat the game after over two weeks of playing it straight through – a feat that would normally only take a day or two at most, but when you have hundreds of commands a second being thrown at you... It gets a bit complicated. After beating Red Version, he moved on to other games and refined the streams a bit, so now the commands are all on a delay instead of happening instantaneously. For the one-year anniversary, he's playing a modified copy of Red Version that will allow him to catch all 151 Pokémon, and you can watch that here. (If my explanation didn't seem to make much sense, watching it happen will.)

I need to get back into exercising. These last couple weeks haven't been great... I've had a couple of really good days, and in part that's because I found a walking route that I can take that gets my 6 miles in for the day already. Tomorrow I'll get back on it; no work means I've got all day to exercise if I really wanted to.

I think that's about it for now. Funny pic for good measure: