Some random thoughts while sick

These musings today may just come because of the fact that my head's in a little bit different of a place right now; I've been sick/suffering from allergies since last night, and it feels like I just haven't felt like... my usual self today. But what I'm writing tonight is hopefully going to be uplifting, not only for me, but for anyone who ends up reading this.


There are some things that I absolutely love about the gospel, and one of them is that, if we mess up, we always have the chance to try again. And again. And again. And again, and again, and again until we eventually, hopefully, get it right. I know that my life right now isn't near where I thought it'd be a few years ago. By the time I turned 25 I thought I'd already be done with school; I thought I'd have a job in a field that I'm actually interested in making into a career; I thought I would be married, or at the very least in a relationship heading in that direction. A lot of the things that I thought I'd have achieved by now I haven't reached mostly due to the fact that I have messed up. There were some things that were out of my control, yes, but a lot of it is my own fault – procrastination, miscommunication, just bad choices, etc. And while it's not the end of the world, it's not been the best of times for me. Compared with most friends who are my age I have a lot of catching up to do with life.

Today especially was simply not the best of days for me. I left my first job a little early and had someone cover for my other job because I'm feeling sick (and strangely sore in my back – I say strangely because I have no idea what would have caused it to be sore the way it is). I've been worrying about bills and loans to pay off, trying to make some concrete plans for my future, and it's difficult to predict a timeline where I'm financially comfortable. Certain memories from my past still haunt me, still bother me more than they should. A lot of the social events that I have planned over the next couple months are weddings of other friends, which, while I'm incredibly happy for my friends for taking that step forward, reminds me of my own singleness and how far I am from a relationship of my own.

One of the nice things about my life lately, and one of the other things that I love about the gospel, is that I've had a lot more time to visit the temple. And with the temple comes not only the opportunity to serve, but to leave behind, for a little while, all the stresses and cares of the world. It's a place while I can always find peace and relaxation. And I don't mean to say that it's me trying to escape from my problems; it's been more that I've been able to take a break and refocus on what matters most. Regardless of what I end up doing there, just being there gets me to feel better. It helps me feel solitude when the thoughts in my head are rushing around and bringing me down.

I don't know if I've ever talked about the background I've been using for this blog. I found it a long, long time ago, back when I first made the blog (so a few years ago?) and I chose it for a very specific reason. It's not because it's "artsy", or "stylish". (I mean, it kinda is, but it's not the point.) If you notice, it's a mostly white background, but there are a lot of black splotches at the top that fade as you go down the page. I chose the background because I felt like it accurately portrays how I try to write these posts: while I may start off with some scatterbrained thoughts and topics, and it all just seems like a big mess, as you go farther down along the post things start to clear up a bit and make more sense. It's cleaner, and more enjoyable. And by the end, well, the messy, erratic nature that it may have had in the beginning is barely noticeable, and what you're left with is the post in the middle that you've finished reading, which would be the point I'm trying to get at for that post.

Going to the temple has the same effect for me. Many a day has come where my thoughts, which in the ideal situation would be under control and sensical, just bombard me with things that I either don't want to think about or just have a hard time managing at all. And it's hard for me! I hate it! A lot of the time I want to shut down and be completely unproductive, maybe watch a movie, play some video game that really doesn't matter in the long run, because then my mind gets to avoid all the issues. But if I manage to make the choice – because it isn't always an easy choice – to go to this place of refuge, turn myself off from the outside world physically for a couple hours, then spiritually I can concentrate. I can sort out those things in my head that are bugging me, make plans that are necessary, forget about and erase those unnecessary thoughts that are only there to bring me down. While the issues are still there, after a while in the temple they're much more manageable.

I will always be grateful for temples and the peace they bring to me. Because a lot of the time... I need it. And I get it.

No post this week

I went to a fireside with John Bytheway tonight, and it gave me a lot to write about. So I'll start working on a Plight of the Provo Bachelor post tomorrow, and should have it done by next Sunday. It'll be a bit lighter-spirited than most posts in that series, as most of the commentary will be based on his talk.

Writer's block and a workaround

SCRAPPED IDEA


I'd had an idea for a new kind of daily blog, and actually tried it for a few days, but ended up scrapping the idea.

If you see this post and are curious, I can tell you about it. It may still happen in the future in some form, just not for now.

25

Not much to write this week. It's been busy, and while I had my birthday on Tuesday I didn't have too much of an opportunity to celebrate until this weekend. We, as a family, went to a BYU Ballroom Dancers performance yesterday (which I'll post a link to later if I find one), and today we had a great dinner together. And one of the presents I got was a collector's set of the Harry Potter books, with the spines of each one forming part of Hogwarts:

I'm tempted to read the entire series again, but at the same time this is something I want to keep in really good condition... We'll see what happens.

Also, a while back I found a site that compares your age to different statistics. You can put in your birthday and it gives all sorts of facts about how old you are compared to certain celebrities or random facts. So while I'm not going to write much myself, there's a good amount to find on that site. (And the site is http://you.regettingold.com if you're curious, with this link being specifically for my birthday.)

Some tender mercies

Just going to give a few little updates here because... I got a new journal! And I spent a good part of today writing my first entry in it. (Almost called it a "post" – any time I write in there, it's an "entry", and here will be a "post".)

This was originally my grandmother's on my mom's side, but she never got around to using it. So my mom gave it to me to use, and I love it!

I think I'm going to spend more efforts putting personal thoughts and feelings there from now on, but I'll still be updating this on a regular basis. (Or I'll actually get started on the movie reviews on my other blog, which at tho point is just sitting untouched...)

I did want to share a great experience I had this week here, though. Working at Deseret Book, I have the opportunity to talk to lots of people, some from places around the world, and I get particularly excited talking with someone from Brazil. This week I didn't just meet any Brazilians, though – I met a couple who was visiting the husband's cousin who lives here in the states, and they're originally from Novo Hamburgo, a city I passed through towards the end of 2010 and the beginning of 2011 during my mission. Talking some more, I found out that the husband is actually from the ward that I served in, though he wasn't there while I was. I do know his family, though, so I got to reminisce a bit about the time I spent there. When I asked about a young man who was baptized while I was serving there, Elvis, Bryan (the aforementioned husband) told me that he was on his mission!! I checked out his Facebook and sure enough he's serving in the Brasilia mission and should be hitting his one-year mark pretty soon.

Elvis' baptism. Sorry for the lower quality, for some reason I can't find digital copies of pictures from when I served there...

Despite being a somewhat crazy week as far as work goes (both jobs seemed to have a much higher amount of customers than normal), this definitely was a highlight and kept me going through each day.

I didn't get to see the sessions of General Conference yesterday, but I heard some of the first one while working at Deseret Book and saw both of the ones from today. And for those who may have missed any sessions of it, it looks like you can already watch them online here. All of the talks, along with full transcripts, should be up within a few days, but I can already guarantee that one of my favorites was from Elder Holland (who I mentioned in my last post). It's so great to be able to hear the words of living prophets, who can give us just the right words in our times of need, and that it's available at our fingertips. I'm glad that I got to see a part of the conference today, and I'll be watching the rest of it this week as soon as I have the chance.

And again, I'm super grateful to have found out about Elvis. The phrase "tender mercy" has stuck out with me ever since I first seriously started studying the scriptures; it's a phrase found at the end of the first chapter of the Book of Mormon:

"But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance."

I always like to think of a "tender mercy" as a special type of blessing; it's not one you're necessarily expecting, but it definitely brings you an amount of joy in a personal, special way. I've already had a few happen throughout my life, and this mercy is one more that will stick out for as long as I live.

What I Know

For those of you who may be unfamiliar with what Mormons do on Sundays, we usually go to church for a three hours, with different things happening every hour. One of those hours is one we call sacrament meeting, where we reenact the sacrament that Jesus implemented toward the end of His mortal ministry, and then we hear from a couple speakers chosen from the congregation (chosen with a couple weeks' notice) to speak about different aspects of our beliefs. However, on the first Sunday of the month, we have something called a testimony meeting where anyone who feels prompted to can go up to the stand and bear their testimony. And sometimes, like today, we actually have it at the end of the month, because next month's first Sunday will be when General Conference happens – and I'll write about General Conference later on in this post.

I'm usually one to sit back and let others have the opportunity to bear their testimony, especially when sometimes there are just so many people doing so that they go over the allotted time. (And that's fine, there's really no harm done when that happens.) But I don't want it ever though that I don't have a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, or of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Because I do.

I know that this is, in fact, the true Church of Jesus Christ. It was restored through a man named Joseph Smith and officially organized on April 6, 1830. As proof of this, we have something called The Book of Mormon, so named after the man who compiled all of the writings in it a few hundred years after Christ's ministry. It serves as a testimony of the divinity of Christ, as well as a history of people who lived here in the Americas over the course of about a thousand years. It isn't to replace the Bible in any way; it actually also testifies of the Bible and works to confirm the teachings found within. It contains an invitation for all to read it and ask Heavenly Father, what we ofter refer to God as, if the book is indeed true, and for those asking with real intent, He will make it known to them that it is.

I know that God lives, and that He loves me. When I was 15, I went to a youth program run by the church called Especially For Youth (which I'm sure I've talked about a couple times on here). Being a church camp, one of the main objectives is to help strengthen our faith and beliefs in the gospel, and the session director there challenged all of us to say a specific prayer that night before we went to bed. The prayer was to ask God, directly, if He loved us. We could use our own words to ask the question, but the objective was to have a sure knowledge that He does indeed love us. So I figured there wouldn't be any harm done. Even having grown up as a Mormon all my life and being used to saying prayers, this time was incredibly different. As I asked God if He loved me, I felt an immediate response: "Marshall, of course I love you." It was as if I heard the words spoken by someone in the room – it wasn't just a thought in my head. I knew that He answered me, proving to me that He is real.

I know that Jesus Christ lives, and His sacrifice through the Atonement brings me more peace and comfort than anything else in this world ever has. He went through everything that I've ever had to deal with and much more, suffered through it all so that I don't have to bear my burdens alone. His teachings can help anyone to live a fuller, happier life. For two years straight I had the privilege of teaching others more about Him and His love for each of us, and would happily do so again. I've seen His gospel change people's lives for the better. I know that it's good and true.

And besides me knowing that it's true, for me it just all makes sense. Here's an example:

#nofilter

This was a picture I took one week when I was working as a counselor for EFY last summer. There were a few minutes when it was raining but the sun was shining quite clearly, and the size of the drops of rain made it look like diamonds were falling all around us. I snapped this shortly after the rain stopped, just in awe of how beautiful the sky looked. I certainly don't believe that we could have moments of beauty like that just by chance. Any multicolored sunset, to me, is a moment for God to just have some fun and paint the sky for a while. The fact that there are over 7 billion people living on this earth in harmony with nature, and that we've advanced so much even in the last few hundred years – that's not just a coincidence. We create, we innovate, we design, we serve, we communicate, we act outside of instinct, we do as we want to. We can even take a look at other planets and see that there really aren't many other places that this could have happened, if at all, so why would this one be so perfect for us if there wasn't at least some kind of being watching over all and guiding its creation? And as far as religion goes, there's plenty of evidence showing that the church that Jesus organized lost its apostles, the heads of the church, without passing along the authority to keep it going. So there needed to be a restoration at some point, which is what Joseph Smith was chosen to do. Receiving a vision of God and Jesus Christ, and after that visits from many other messengers sent to him, he was told to find a set of gold plates containing what is now known as The Book of Mormon. He translated them and, like I said above, found that it testifies of the Bible.

There's a talk (what we usually call sermons) given by one of the apostles we have today, called Safety for the Soul. It was given by Jeffrey R. Holland, and you can read or watch the whole talk here. This is just part of it from the end, talking about the Book of Mormon:

I ask that my testimony of the Book of Mormon and all that it implies, given today under my own oath and office, be recorded by men on earth and angels in heaven. I hope I have a few years left in my “last days,” but whether I do or do not, I want it absolutely clear when I stand before the judgment bar of God that I declared to the world, in the most straightforward language I could summon, that the Book of Mormon is true, that it came forth the way Joseph said it came forth and was given to bring happiness and hope to the faithful in the travail of the latter days. My witness echoes that of Nephi, who wrote part of the book in his “last days”:

“Hearken unto these words and believe in Christ; and if ye believe not in these words believe in Christ. And if ye shall believe in Christ ye will believe in these words, for they are the words of Christ, … and they teach all men that they should do good. And if they are not the words of Christ, judge ye—for Christ will show unto you, with power and great glory, that they are his words, at the last day.”

Brothers and sisters, God always provides safety for the soul, and with the Book of Mormon, He has again done that in our time. Remember this declaration by Jesus Himself: “Whoso treasureth up my word, shall not be deceived” —and in the last days neither your heart nor your faith will fail you.

He'll be one of the speakers this week at the General Conference I mentioned at the beginning of this post, along with many other men and women who will only share messages to uplift and help others come closer to Christ. It's free to watch, and will be available by going to conference.lds.org, or you can find it on certain television and radio stations across the country. There's another apostle named M. Russell Ballard, who wrote a short book called Our Search For Happiness. It's a great read, and directed mostly at those who are unfamiliar with the Mormon church. If you're reading this, and you're interested in a copy of that book, or a copy of The Book of Mormon, I would be more than happy to send it/them to you myself. The conference will happen over the course of Saturday and Sunday, and if you miss a broadcast don't fret – they're usually put online shortly after each session.

There are a lot of things I don't know in this life. There are many things I'd like to know. What I do know is this: the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has helped me to be a much happier person than I could ever be without it. I know that it's true. And I love that I know.

March Madness... sure!

Short post tonight, because to be perfectly honest I know very little when it comes to the world of sports. But, since it is March, and I'm actually participating a bit, I thought I'd just make a quick note on the apparent "March Madness" going on. Seriously, outside of knowing the basic rules for each game, this is how I feel understanding most sports:

My family's doing a little bracket competition this year, and since the main team I root for (BYU) didn't make it into the top 64, I'm not going to be too torn up as to who actually wins the final, whenever that happens. Here's a link to the bracket I'm currently using (for whoever is curious), and somehow it's doing pretty well, though I admit that I pretty much just followed the numbers and picked who was the higher rank for most of the match ups.

I also just want to take a second and voice how bizarre I think it is how we as a nation (and many other countries, for that matter) put so much attention on some of these sports. We have the biggest game of football of the year called the Super Bowl and is easily the most televised event of the year, with some companies paying millions just to air for less than a minute. This entire month is devoted to college basketball, and even if you're not a huge fan there's a good chance you hear about who's beating who, whose brackets are still doing well, upsets, etc. Baseball has the "World Series", despite only including American teams in the competition. (Although the title may come from being named after a newspaper, as its Wikipedia article states.) There are these big, gigantic productions for these and many other sports that, a month or two after they're over, we barely even remember because of how focused we are on the next one.

Is it bad that we pay so much attention to these sports and devote so much time to each one, to the randoms, to the players, supporting them wherever they go and however they do and in some cases even idolizing them? Not completely, no. Sports are great, healthy, friendly competition is good for the soul, for those playing it they get the feeling of accomplishment for going so far and feel even more accomplished if they win. And it's a form of entertainment. (A lot cleaner than many forms of entertainment out there these days, too.) But it really doesn't just stay that friendly and clean; we hear all the time about players who end up taking steroids or other drugs to cheat, we see the bad calls that all the referees make, we create rivalries that end up making some people despise others simply because of who they support. It's not everyone, obviously, but it's enough to notice that it's a problem.

I dunno, this is just a bit of a rant tonight. Again, I'm not too torn up about who's actually going to win because that's not where my priorities lie. Doesn't mean I want to bring down anyone else's fun, so if you're still focused on having your bracket make it to the top then I wish you the best of luck. (Because sometimes that's really what it ends up being for us – as we've seen with all the upsets this first week, numbers don't always mean everything.) Enjoy the madness!

Get it? Because he's the "Mad" Hatter?       ...anyone?