Plight of the Provo Bachelor: Notes from John Bytheway

So last week I was able to go see a fireside from someone I've always considered to be a great speaker, John Bytheway. (And for those who have never heard of him before, yes, "By the way" is actually his last name.) For as long as I can remember he's been a motivational speaker of sorts in the church, having given multiple talks and firesides, taught at EFY, written many uplifting books alone and with others, and one of his most noticeable traits is that he's just funny. He connects well with audiences because he knows how to make them feel comfortable and happy to be there. This fireside he gave was at a building called the Alpine Tabernacle, and there were at least 700 young single adults in attendance (young single adults meaning within the age range of 18 to 30). No one there, from what I noticed, ever fell asleep, walked out early, carried on their own conversations, anything you might usually see in a group of that size.

Being the audience of young single adults that he was talking to (and if you've noticed the title of this post), you can probably guess what his subject matter was: dating, marriage, and love in a gospel setting. But again, it was all enjoyable; many times when this subject comes up, a groan, audible or not, passes through the crowd. Brother Bytheway made it so enthralling that the majority of people I saw were actually taking notes (another less common occurrence for these kinds of things).

And I happened to be one of the ones taking notes. I'm going to post most of them here, with the hope that 1) anyone reading this can make sense of them, and 2) they uplift others in the same way the fireside uplifted me. I have yet to read it, but it felt like most of the talk was taken from a book he wrote called What I Wish I'd Known When I Was Single. And, by the way, he didn't get married until he was 33 years old. So there's still definitely hope!

I've never really transcribed anything before for a blog, so what I think I'll do is just copy what I wrote down here, then if anyone wants me to expound then I can .

• Alma 52: why would you ever, ever leave your stronghold? It's never a good idea, even for a minute.
• King David stepped out of his stronghold and ended up having all his problems with Bathsheba
• James E. Faust, Nov. '97 Ensign – saw men fall, web of stupidity - all of us must constantly guard against Satan
• Get your act together, then build the forts and swords
• President Uchtdorf's "Stop it!"
• As a bishop, his ward chooses a specific theme each year. One year it was "Onward and upward together". The next was "What is your next step?"
• Article that he wrote from the New Era: "I Have No Friends"
• Don't focus on the things you can't control
• Marriage is pretty much the only commandment you can't keep yourself
• Liberty Jail – there wasn't even a bathroom for them
• D&C 123:17 – let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power
• If you don't feel like you're going anywhere, get a plan, get a course; get multiple plans and keep moving forward
• What I Wish I'd Known When I Was Single
• Boyd K. Packer talked about the DTR – have some patience
• 1982, Bruce C. Hafen, "The Gospel and Romantic Love" – don't date someone you know you'd never marry
• You can hurt them a little or hurt them a lot in a DTR. Don't postpone the inevitable; if it's a rejection, it'll be either cutting their leg clean off or doing it an inch at a time.
• Patience and honesty
• Don't get your dating advice from unofficial Church musicals
• Bruce R. McConkie – I never asked the Lord who to marry, I asked the Lord to confirm it
• Boyd K. Packer, "Eternal Love" – no belief in "soul mates"
• "Faith Precedes the Miracle" – Spencer W. Kimball
• The Lord loves you too much to let your life be too easy
• Take it a day at a time
• Sometimes going back to "just friends" is impossible
• The wrong one is the right one to lead you to the best one
• Make a chart with two columns, on the left make a list of what others think of you and on the right make a list of what God thinks of you. Which do you believe is correct?
• "What more can He say than to you He hath said?"
• Express affection carefully – approaching the law of chastity with honesty
• Is it possible to lie with our actions?
• Another New Era article he wrote: "What Do Kisses Mean?"
• Always be emotionally honest about expressions of affection
• Worldly idea of "friends with benefits" is wrong; the "non-committal make out" is a lie
• Thomas S. Monson, Nov. '90 Ensign – take care not to make women weep, for God counts their tears
• What is "falling in love"?
• "In love" is an irrational state – it's odd that people seek out temporary insanity like that
• David O. McKay – Gospel Ideals – If you meet a girl who inspires you to do your best...
• Ezra Taft Benson – a good yardstick – do you think your noblest thoughts around them? Do they make you want to be better?
• Marry someone you respect and admire
• We get why it's so important, but why is it so urgent?
• It avoids risks of temptation, promotes family growth, it's an ordinance, our biological clocks are ticking, our choices of potential spouses narrow out as we get older, and it's just a better way to live
• Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Spencer W. Kimball – marriage is a greater ecstasy than the human mind can conceive
• Mark E. Peterson – take as few problems to the altar as you can
• Marriage is not a place to change someone else
• The key to spiritual guidance is worthiness
• Play what you can play, sing at the top of your lungs
• Karen Lynn Davidson – "I have yet to see marriage by itself turn an unhappy person into a happy one"
• 1 Nephi 4:6 – "And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do."
• D&C 111:11 – I will order all things for your good
• March '89 Ensign, Cormack – marriage is likely to come naturally – live life fully
• March 2, 1997, Jeffrey R. Holland – "let not your heart be troubled" is a commandment
• Neal A. Maxwell – '85 conference talk – in the pattern He has planned
• "I would if I could" – wanting and doing all you can is of inestimable value
• Come up to higher ground and let the Lord help you

I'm sure a lot of these notes can apply to those already in relationships or even those already married, but again I just wanted to share them because they were uplifting to me. And the video below is one of the talks he gave at an Education Week at BYU in 2003, entitled "Especially for Young Single Adults: Who, When, and Why We Marry". I'm going to watch it later when I get the chance, as it's about an hour long, but if it's anything like his other talks it'll be just as entertaining.

To all my friends out there who are single, enjoy!