Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Personal History, Part 1

(started this last night)
Well, looks like insomnia has struck again. I've been thinking that I need to be a lot more consistent with this anyway, so I might as well take care of this now while I'm awake.

A lot of the time, when people ask me where I'm from, I never have a straight answer, and that's mostly because there isn't one. You see, my dad worked for a gas company as a project manager since before I was born, and the family's location was based on where he was needed for work. So I've got a few places I could call "home," but it's always been difficult to choose just one. I'll get to the whole moving around thing in a little bit, though; first, let me actually talk about my family.
Family pic from a couple years ago: Me in brown, Claire in white, Dad in black, Chris in green, Mom in white, Lindsay in yellow, Caleb in gray, Joe in blue, Katie in purple/black, and Sarah in purple/white. Evalyn was on the way at the time.
My parents met at Brigham Young University, some time after my dad had returned from his mission for the LDS church in France. He was a convert to the church, and had already moved around a couple times himself, whereas my mom had generations of ancestors in the Church. One of our more notable ancestors through her is Ebenezer Beesley, composer of the music for such hymns as High on the Mountain Top and 'Tis Sweet to Sing the Matchless Love. The musical gene seems to have been passed down to some in the family since then. My mom is pretty dang awesome at piano, as are some of my siblings, and I've got a sister who rocks the flute and was a drum major in marching band her senior year of high school. Myself? I play some basic piano, basic guitar, and love alto sax. Also, music-based video games seem to come fairly easy to me.

There are five kids in my family. There would have been six, but none of us were fortunate enough to meet our oldest sibling. Amy Elizabeth Bowerman passed away before she was born, and we visit her grave every so often in southern California. I know I'll meet her one day, so the thought of not knowing her in this life doesn't distress me all that much.
Chris, my only brother, currently lives in Murray, UT, and is a computer whiz. Then comes Lindsay, who graduated from BYU-I a while ago in graphic design and lives close to my parents in Lehi, UT. (Or Highland? The city boundaries up there always confuse me.) Then comes Katie, who is currently stationed in California while her husband Joe does work with the Navy there. They have three kids so far: Claire, Caleb, and Evalyn. Two years after Katie was born, I came along, and three and a half years after that came Sarah, the last of us. She's currently serving a mission in Houston, Texas, and has about a year left before she comes back home. My mom (Lisa) and dad (Rich) are now retired, and living in a house they built in Alpine, just about half an hour north of where I'm at now.
We've had a few pets over the years, including a guinea pig named Nala (mostly under Katie's care), an assortment of saltwater fish (one of my dad's hobbies, and I helped take care of them for a number of years as well), and I have vague memories of a dog named Jake when I was pretty young. I believe he was an Akita... again, not many memories of him. The pet I do remember most was a black and white Shih Tzu we appropriately named Oreo Noel Bowerman - "Oreo" because of the coloring, and "Noel" because she was one of Santa's Christmas presents when I was 6 or 7 years old. We had her for a long time, and only from old age and some basic necessary functions not working in her later years did we have to put her down a while ago. She was just awesome, though, and loyal as any pet could be. One noticeable trait was that she was incredibly protective; regardless of the size of neighboring dogs (including a German Shepherd at one point), she would bark like crazy and make sure they knew where her territory was.
She loved opening presents as much as anyone else in the family. No lie, wrapping paper was her favorite!
Location, location, location... I remember starting out in southern California. Supposedly I was born in Santa Maria, CA, but because we moved away from there when I was still an infant I have no memories of it. I know we've driven by there as a family on vacations and what not, and even had our old house pointed out to me. Never rang any bells. Oh well.
The first place I really remember is Orange, California. I can even still remember our street address from back then – who knows if it's the same today, as this was well over a decade ago, but I digress. (Me sidetracking and getting slightly off-topic might happen a lot throughout these posts, if you haven't picked up on that yet.) We stayed there until I was about 9 years old. When we did move, the whole concept was new, strange, and unappealing to me. I mean, I had some awesome friends where I was at! The elementary school I went to was great! I was comfortable with everything around me, and the change that happened wasn't welcome. But, being as young as I was, I obviously didn't have any choice. We moved up to a city called Danville, kind of in the Bay Area of California. I even remember throwing a bit of a tantrum the first night that we spent in our new house there. It didn't yet feel like "home" to me. Eventually I learned how to make some new friends, like the school that I would go to, etc. It took some time, but soon Danville started to feel like home.
Of course we moved a little less than a year after that. See, every time that the family moved was directly related to my dad's job. Being in the positions he held during his time with one company (which ended up being bought by other companies, merging, dividing, splitting, doing what knows what – it's business, and I don't claim to fully understand it all) meant that they were very influential in saying where he was most needed. Which, considering the fact that he's now been able to retire, ended up working out very well for him. In the meantime, we ended up taking trips across the country a few times, not necessarily planting any permanent roots wherever we went but definitely sowing seeds.
So from Danville we moved up to a town called Bellingham, Washington. For those who have lived in western Washington, they've probably heard of it before; it's pretty dang close to the Pacific Ocean, and right on the path for those heading up to that part of Canada. We ended up staying for three years, again making a lot of friendships and enjoying our time there. It initially seemed like we might be staying there for a good while, as we had a house built big enough for our whole family instead of trying to find an already existing house to move into. (And that house was AWESOME, by the way. The driveway was its own sledding hill during winter!) But again, because of how my dad's job went, the time came for us to pack up and head out.
This time was a little different, though. We ended up moving back to Danville, less than a couple miles away from the house we lived in the first time we were there. His company thought it most convenient for what he was doing to be in the Bay Area again, and since we had enjoyed Danville so much the first time we were there it just worked out. I got to meet up with a bunch of my old friends from there and really develop some of the friendships I'd barely started by the time we left the first time. And make plenty of new ones, especially since I was just starting high school by the end of our second time there.

So, to recap, in my ages:
Birth - about 2: Santa Maria, CA
About 2 - 9: Orange, CA (it's called the City of Orange, located within Orange County)
9 - 10: Danville, CA
10 - 13: Bellingham, WA
13 - 14: Danville, CA

"But Marshall! That can't be everywhere you've lived! There's a HUGE gap between when you were 14 and now!"
Is that what you're thinking? I bet it is. I'm just pausing the story for now, and I'll continue the journey in my next post.



No new movies since last time; I'm working on watching the ones I own and still haven't seen. That, and there are a couple movies I'd like to see in theaters soon, including Ender's Game (coming out this week ohmygoshI'msoexcited!!!!) so I'm refraining from purchasing hard copies of movies for a bit so I can see them as they come out.
On a semi-related note, I've mentioned the X-Men movie franchise before, and a trailer came out recently for the next one in the series, Days of Future Past:
Already being a fan of the ones that have come before, this just looks amazing. I've always been fascinated with certain aspects of time travel (and I've had a couple in-depth discussions with my dad about it... let's just say be ready to have a good long conversation if you ever bring it up with him!), and from what I can read about the story here (minor spoiler alert) I can already tell that I'll enjoy this.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

The Plight of the Provo Bachelor: The Friendzone

Imagine if you will: another dimension beyond that which is fully understood by man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between friend and boyfriend, between acquaintance and confidante, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. But this is no dimension of imagination; this is a new dimension of reality. It is an area which we call... the Friendzone.

This is a term that has arisen and become quite popular over the last few years in dating society. It's hardly ever used with a positive connotation (if EVER used with a positive connotation), and even though it might not be an official word, it's become used enough that it's listed in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Friendzone.
I write it as one word, some people write it out as two, but either way I believe the meaning is conveyed. According to the linked definition, it was used as early as 1994 in an episode of "Friends." Here's the clip:
Now, for Ross and Rachel, they ended up putting this "friendzone" nonsense behind them and getting together once and for all (after 10 seasons or something like that – I was never an avid fan of the show, but I'm familiar enough with it to know the characters and get references from it).

Numerous people have tried explaining exactly what the friendzone is and how to get out of it. Because, for some reason, it seems to be a lot more common of a problem now than it was years ago. Rhett and Link, some Youtube personalities, made a parodic advice video for single guys about this very subject:

Their advice is comedic and semi-enlightening in the beginning as to what the friendzone is, and this one from another internet personality named Vsauce has garnered a lot of attention since its original posting in January. His video is not so comedic as it is informative, explaining the science behind the friendzone. What I'm going to write about is the perspective of what it's actually like from someone in the friendzone. Because Rhett and Link are both married, and this Vsauce (who I'll admit I don't know much about) seems to not explain at all what the guy actually goes through when he's friendzoned either because he wanted to appear objective or he's never been there himself.
Now, I'm not saying up front that girls are the only ones to friendzone, nor do all of them do so. Guys can do it as well. But, like most things I rant about, this is all from my perspective: things I see and experience. What I've seen, experienced, and heard from other guys is that it happens a lot more one way than another.

First off: it flat-out isn't an enjoyable place to be. The girl you like treats you rather indifferently even though you're wanting to pursue more than just a friendship. She may complain to you about how frustrating it is to try and date other guys, with none of them working out. She can even talk about dates she's gone on as if you're not even there. (Really, she knows you're there, but disregards the feelings you have for her.)
Now, this isn't to say she ignores you. Apparently the friendzoners still want to keep you around, despite not wanting a level of commitment. I've gone on what I thought were dates before, with multiple girls, only to find out that the girl I was with at the time had no romantic feelings for me and just liked spending time with me, "valuing the friendship we had." It's a common line for them to use. And it's essentially a death sentence.
It's a game they play, and I really hate being on the losing side time and time again. I feel like I try to make it fairly obvious that I like them, without explicitly stating "I like you and want to pursue a relationship with you." I spend a lot of my free time with them, I go out of my way to help them with the favors they need, I remember their birthdays or special occasions... All for naught. Probably the worst example of this was when I drove one girl around from store to store, spending most of the day together – all so she could buy birthday presents for the guy she actually WAS dating. (Not me, if that wasn't clear.) Yeah. Pathetic on my part.
Don't get me wrong, though. I do enjoy spending time with girls. Often there are things I can relate with them better than I can with other guys. And I'm certain that that's the way it's supposed to be; a man and a woman are different so that they can eventually complete each other. Guys and girls think in completely different ways, and I've been trying to speak this other language for years. At times I'm able to understand it, comprehend their signals and subtle hints. But most of the time it's just plain illogical.
Sometimes I do have to come out and say that I like them. The most recent time that I did so wasn't under the most pleasant of circumstances to begin with, but in any case I ended up telling her. Almost immediately, she got on the defensive about it, saying that she didn't mean to lead me on, didn't want to come off like that, didn't want to give the impression that she liked me. (From my perspective, she did give that impression. Many times we had gone out one-on-one, including a time that she invited me over to make milkshakes, once when we got pizza together, going out to a nickelcade, a couple bike rides, getting snow cones... She didn't have to keep saying yes to the times I asked her out or keep inviting me [and just me] to do things with her, especially if she wasn't interested.) Oh, and of course there was the line that she "still thought we were best friends."
Seriously: if I'm one of her "best friends," and loves spending time with me, then why wouldn't she want to pursue a relationship?!
I mean, you're supposed to marry your best friend, right? That's what I want, at least! That's how I've understood it, from what I've seen of my friends who have gotten married! And I know she hates the "dating game" as much as I do, but it's just mind-blowing to see the disconnect here. This same process has happened more than once: I like a girl; she likes [at least] spending time with me; we both don't want to keep dating around; yet she doesn't want to get into a relationship! I feel like I'm missing something here.
Because of the friendzone, guys get ousted. They get left alone. They're basically ignored. Even though they want that chance to provide exactly what she's looking for, he's just the friend. Just the guy that listens. Just the guy that gets used for favors.

Am I complaining? Yeah. Am I justified in doing so? I think so. This "friendzone" nonsense drives guys like me crazy. I'm not saying that I want to get married right away, and I'm not trying to single anyone out with this. I'm saying that friendzoning happens way too often in our society, even without some people realizing it. I'm saying I know what I want – which is eventually marriage – and to get there I need to date. Not just "hang out," not just "be friends," but date. I know it's not meant to be complicated; I've dated girls in the past, so obviously I've had success before, but nowadays it's ridiculous.



New movies! X-Men: First Class. Now I own all of the X-Men movies that have been released so far, with the exception of The Wolverine (which I think still needs to come out on DVD). It's a series I've enjoyed a lot so far, and I'm really looking forward to Days of Future Past next year. I also got Fight Club (haven't seen it yet, will soon) and In Time (seen it a couple times).
I've used this one on here before, but it actually kinda fits here as well, strictly in the context of this post.