Plight of the Provo Bachelor: Flirting "fun"

I've debated posting this one for a while, worrying how, like other posts in this series, it might get some mixed reactions. But reminding myself that this is my blog, my thoughts, my opinions on whatever topic – I shouldn't let other people's opinions stop me from expressing what's on my mind.


When I fall for someone, I tend to fall pretty hard. Just being honest. I'm not entirely sure why, but I think a big part of it might have to do with the idea of how much happier life would be with an eternal companion at my side. (Note that I'm saying happier. Not necessarily easier. But definitely happier.) So that idea of a happier life is implanted in my head and when I get the slightest inclination that there's a possibility with someone, part of me latches on. Despite that possibility just being a total figment of my imagination, and that particular someone is just showing their kindness/personality/whatever.

I guess part of what I'm saying is that I could very possibly misinterpret when a girl is flirting and when she isn't, and that's because there are times when my mind gets so fixated on that idea of happiness with an eternal companion, so it just accepts it all as "yes, she likes you and is interested in you." For clarification, here's some of what I normally interpret as flirting:
- unnecessary, but friendly physical contact
- spending time around you and making it obvious that they're there for you
- paying extra attention to you
- inviting you to do things with them, especially one-on-one
- initiating conversations frequently
- going out of their way to make you feel special/wanted/loved, either by word or gift
- remembering your special events/days

Those are the only ones that come to mind for now. Obviously those aren't all the ways to flirt (I'm fairly certain that women have their own languages that they use and communicate with, one of which is only through eye contact), and usually it's a combination of some or all of these that would really make it obvious that you're showing interest in someone. And it's not that I consider myself a master of the art, but I've definitely been attempting to "woo" various women that I've been interested in for some time… and, frankly, I have little to show for it.

A favorite movie of mine and among my friends, Hitch, explains something rather well. Particularly at the 1:45 mark. (Minor language warning a couple minutes after that.)

You can't just straight up tell someone that you like them. You can't. I don't know why you can't – I mean, honesty is supposed to be the best policy, right? – but any time I've tried doing so, it's blown up in my face. Here's how it usually goes, presented in GIF form:

Basically it starts like this...

...goes like this (with me as the guy holding the hoop)...

...and ends like this.

Just telling someone that you like them (from the Hitch clip above: "I like you." That's it!) doesn't seem to be a thing that happens at all anymore. If someone does do it, the action often comes across as brutish, unthoughtful, annoying, too forward, and/or tactless. Creativity is expected for almost everything – at least, that's the implication that's been built up in society. Seriously, I can already imagine how the situation would go: if I were to say to someone who I currently fancy that I like them, while one part of my mind wants it to play out beautifully, the "realist" side of my mind envisions it crashing and burning, with little chance of that girl talking to me ever again. Now, as to whether or not the "realist" side of me envisions that because it's actually right, or because that's what's been drilled into our heads over the last decade or so, I'm not sure what to believe. But the fact that it's hard to stay optimistic for something that, in theory, is so simple – that fact frustrates me to no end.

This was a sketch done by BYU's Divine Comedy a couple years ago, and while it's one of the ones that's received some of the biggest laughs I've ever seen it's almost painful as to how true it seems.

Most of it is Mallory trying to explain the signals girls give (and who knows if they're all accurate; again, I'm sure every girl has her own methods of communication), and towards the end she asks Adam for his explanation of men:

A: "So if I kiss you, I like you."
M: "That's it?"
A: "That's it. Men are simple: we like meat, kissing, and explosions."

Obviously men are a little more complicated than that, but it does narrow it down fairly well. And yes, I understand that men and women are different on many levels, and we're supposed to be different for many good reasons, but again the frustration comes in when we try to get up to their level and we're shot down for not doing things the "right way." Most of us have only ever known the one way, so give us some credit for trying things the way they appeal to you!

And if you're not interested, just be honest and upfront about it. Tell us, straight up, that you'd rather not pursue a relationship. You don't need to give a reason for it if you don't want to, because that's your personal reason. If you're worried about hurting or offending us, well... Yeah, it's probably gonna hurt, but it'll hurt a lot less than if things were to drag on for weeks or months without knowing how you actually feel about us. We can learn to bounce back and move on. For some it may take a while longer than others, but at the end of the day it's something we eventually just deal with.



New movies: hit up DI looking for possibilities to work on a new Halloween costume. Didn't find anything. Went to the movies section as a fallback. Was not disappointed.
Monster's Inc. [FINALLY another Disney movie for my collection, and a Pixar one to boot!]
Avatar [Special 3-disc edition, all discs still there and in good condition]
Muppet Treasure Island/The Great Muppet Caper [Blu-Ray and DVD combo pack, still in original packaging]
Pokémon: The First Movie – Mewtwo Strikes Back [Also still in original packaging]