Some random thoughts while sick

These musings today may just come because of the fact that my head's in a little bit different of a place right now; I've been sick/suffering from allergies since last night, and it feels like I just haven't felt like... my usual self today. But what I'm writing tonight is hopefully going to be uplifting, not only for me, but for anyone who ends up reading this.


There are some things that I absolutely love about the gospel, and one of them is that, if we mess up, we always have the chance to try again. And again. And again. And again, and again, and again until we eventually, hopefully, get it right. I know that my life right now isn't near where I thought it'd be a few years ago. By the time I turned 25 I thought I'd already be done with school; I thought I'd have a job in a field that I'm actually interested in making into a career; I thought I would be married, or at the very least in a relationship heading in that direction. A lot of the things that I thought I'd have achieved by now I haven't reached mostly due to the fact that I have messed up. There were some things that were out of my control, yes, but a lot of it is my own fault – procrastination, miscommunication, just bad choices, etc. And while it's not the end of the world, it's not been the best of times for me. Compared with most friends who are my age I have a lot of catching up to do with life.

Today especially was simply not the best of days for me. I left my first job a little early and had someone cover for my other job because I'm feeling sick (and strangely sore in my back – I say strangely because I have no idea what would have caused it to be sore the way it is). I've been worrying about bills and loans to pay off, trying to make some concrete plans for my future, and it's difficult to predict a timeline where I'm financially comfortable. Certain memories from my past still haunt me, still bother me more than they should. A lot of the social events that I have planned over the next couple months are weddings of other friends, which, while I'm incredibly happy for my friends for taking that step forward, reminds me of my own singleness and how far I am from a relationship of my own.

One of the nice things about my life lately, and one of the other things that I love about the gospel, is that I've had a lot more time to visit the temple. And with the temple comes not only the opportunity to serve, but to leave behind, for a little while, all the stresses and cares of the world. It's a place while I can always find peace and relaxation. And I don't mean to say that it's me trying to escape from my problems; it's been more that I've been able to take a break and refocus on what matters most. Regardless of what I end up doing there, just being there gets me to feel better. It helps me feel solitude when the thoughts in my head are rushing around and bringing me down.

I don't know if I've ever talked about the background I've been using for this blog. I found it a long, long time ago, back when I first made the blog (so a few years ago?) and I chose it for a very specific reason. It's not because it's "artsy", or "stylish". (I mean, it kinda is, but it's not the point.) If you notice, it's a mostly white background, but there are a lot of black splotches at the top that fade as you go down the page. I chose the background because I felt like it accurately portrays how I try to write these posts: while I may start off with some scatterbrained thoughts and topics, and it all just seems like a big mess, as you go farther down along the post things start to clear up a bit and make more sense. It's cleaner, and more enjoyable. And by the end, well, the messy, erratic nature that it may have had in the beginning is barely noticeable, and what you're left with is the post in the middle that you've finished reading, which would be the point I'm trying to get at for that post.

Going to the temple has the same effect for me. Many a day has come where my thoughts, which in the ideal situation would be under control and sensical, just bombard me with things that I either don't want to think about or just have a hard time managing at all. And it's hard for me! I hate it! A lot of the time I want to shut down and be completely unproductive, maybe watch a movie, play some video game that really doesn't matter in the long run, because then my mind gets to avoid all the issues. But if I manage to make the choice – because it isn't always an easy choice – to go to this place of refuge, turn myself off from the outside world physically for a couple hours, then spiritually I can concentrate. I can sort out those things in my head that are bugging me, make plans that are necessary, forget about and erase those unnecessary thoughts that are only there to bring me down. While the issues are still there, after a while in the temple they're much more manageable.

I will always be grateful for temples and the peace they bring to me. Because a lot of the time... I need it. And I get it.

No post this week

I went to a fireside with John Bytheway tonight, and it gave me a lot to write about. So I'll start working on a Plight of the Provo Bachelor post tomorrow, and should have it done by next Sunday. It'll be a bit lighter-spirited than most posts in that series, as most of the commentary will be based on his talk.

Writer's block and a workaround

SCRAPPED IDEA


I'd had an idea for a new kind of daily blog, and actually tried it for a few days, but ended up scrapping the idea.

If you see this post and are curious, I can tell you about it. It may still happen in the future in some form, just not for now.

25

Not much to write this week. It's been busy, and while I had my birthday on Tuesday I didn't have too much of an opportunity to celebrate until this weekend. We, as a family, went to a BYU Ballroom Dancers performance yesterday (which I'll post a link to later if I find one), and today we had a great dinner together. And one of the presents I got was a collector's set of the Harry Potter books, with the spines of each one forming part of Hogwarts:

I'm tempted to read the entire series again, but at the same time this is something I want to keep in really good condition... We'll see what happens.

Also, a while back I found a site that compares your age to different statistics. You can put in your birthday and it gives all sorts of facts about how old you are compared to certain celebrities or random facts. So while I'm not going to write much myself, there's a good amount to find on that site. (And the site is http://you.regettingold.com if you're curious, with this link being specifically for my birthday.)

Some tender mercies

Just going to give a few little updates here because... I got a new journal! And I spent a good part of today writing my first entry in it. (Almost called it a "post" – any time I write in there, it's an "entry", and here will be a "post".)

This was originally my grandmother's on my mom's side, but she never got around to using it. So my mom gave it to me to use, and I love it!

I think I'm going to spend more efforts putting personal thoughts and feelings there from now on, but I'll still be updating this on a regular basis. (Or I'll actually get started on the movie reviews on my other blog, which at tho point is just sitting untouched...)

I did want to share a great experience I had this week here, though. Working at Deseret Book, I have the opportunity to talk to lots of people, some from places around the world, and I get particularly excited talking with someone from Brazil. This week I didn't just meet any Brazilians, though – I met a couple who was visiting the husband's cousin who lives here in the states, and they're originally from Novo Hamburgo, a city I passed through towards the end of 2010 and the beginning of 2011 during my mission. Talking some more, I found out that the husband is actually from the ward that I served in, though he wasn't there while I was. I do know his family, though, so I got to reminisce a bit about the time I spent there. When I asked about a young man who was baptized while I was serving there, Elvis, Bryan (the aforementioned husband) told me that he was on his mission!! I checked out his Facebook and sure enough he's serving in the Brasilia mission and should be hitting his one-year mark pretty soon.

Elvis' baptism. Sorry for the lower quality, for some reason I can't find digital copies of pictures from when I served there...

Despite being a somewhat crazy week as far as work goes (both jobs seemed to have a much higher amount of customers than normal), this definitely was a highlight and kept me going through each day.

I didn't get to see the sessions of General Conference yesterday, but I heard some of the first one while working at Deseret Book and saw both of the ones from today. And for those who may have missed any sessions of it, it looks like you can already watch them online here. All of the talks, along with full transcripts, should be up within a few days, but I can already guarantee that one of my favorites was from Elder Holland (who I mentioned in my last post). It's so great to be able to hear the words of living prophets, who can give us just the right words in our times of need, and that it's available at our fingertips. I'm glad that I got to see a part of the conference today, and I'll be watching the rest of it this week as soon as I have the chance.

And again, I'm super grateful to have found out about Elvis. The phrase "tender mercy" has stuck out with me ever since I first seriously started studying the scriptures; it's a phrase found at the end of the first chapter of the Book of Mormon:

"But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance."

I always like to think of a "tender mercy" as a special type of blessing; it's not one you're necessarily expecting, but it definitely brings you an amount of joy in a personal, special way. I've already had a few happen throughout my life, and this mercy is one more that will stick out for as long as I live.